Biblically Resolving Conflict in the Church
(Before Conflict Destroys)
By Pastor Dan Kennedy
©February 28, 2010
I was reading recently about scientists who are working in microbiology measuring piconewtons with “lazer/optical tweezers”. I found out that the pressure that a piconewton exerts is a millionth of the force that a grain of salt exerts when resting on a tabletop.
A “Newton” (honoring the name of Sir Isaac Newton), I discovered, is defined to be the unit of force derived in the metric (SI) system. It is equal to the amount of force required to accelerate a mass of one kilogram at the rate of one meter per second per second.
1 piconewton = 10-12 newtons. [Definitions primarily derived from online sources.]
It is commendable to seek to solve complicated medical problems at such micro levels, but the scientists themselves within these microbiology labs may not be able to get along with each other and may, because of their interpersonal conflicts fail or limit their success as scientists. These scientists may be working to solve many of the most difficult structural or medical problems in the world, but they may not be able to achieve their goals and solve the scientific or medical mysteries because of their own personal desire for recognition, fame, or success, when they are embroiled with jealously, anger, or resentment of others!
It can be the same in the church.
We seem to try our best to reach out to people, who are apart from God, so that they can have a renewed relationship with God. Unfortunately, it seems, many times, because of unresolved personal problems within the fellowship of the church, our supposed spiritual goals become clouded, set aside or corrupted.
The Church is no different than our home. If we allow resentment, a judgmental attitude, or misconceptions to be blown out of proportion, you and I will have the potential of huge hurts and massive causalities. We must deal with sin and other matters Biblically, if we do not, we will kill people with our words…with slander and misimpressions that are dishonoring to God and bring the judgment of God on the individuals who mishandle God’s Word, and subsequently bring extended conflict to the rest of Christ’s Body. A person may wish to consider him or herself to be “spiritual”, but one reveals his or her true spiritual nature, on how he or she deals with conflict when it arises in the Church.
I would venture to say that if one has been in any church (or any organization, for that matter) for very long, we would have run headlong into interpersonal relationships that may have threatened to topple us emotionally. If we seek to honor God, we will honorably follow God’s principles in confrontation within the Body of Christ.
Last week we studied the foundational Truth that should be foremost in any Christian Church: The Bible is the Standard by which we live.
Let’s review what we studied for a moment, about God’s Word, because it is on the foundation of the Bible that we are finding out how to deal with controversy in the Church.
The “One of a kind” Uniqueness of God’s Word
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✴The Bible has the Unique Dynamic of Multiple Authorship
•35-40 authors written over some 1,500 years inspired by One Supreme God!
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✴The Bible is Unique in Withstanding Unparalleled Universal Critique
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✴The Bible is a Uniquely Prophetic Book
•The Bible proclaims events to come, hundreds or even thousands of years before their fulfillment.
•The requirement that all such prophecies from God be fulfilled with 100% accuracy. Deut. 18:21,22; Jer. 28:9
•Other supposedly inspired books do not have predictive prophecy in their pages.
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✴The Bible is a Unique Book of Historical Authority
•“It may be stated categorically that no archaeological discovery has ever controverted a Biblical reference.” Nelson Glueck, Rivers in the Desert: A History of the Negev, p. 31.
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✴The Bible is a Unique Book that Brings Hope
The Bible, therefore, is the Foundation from which we establish how we live and interact with others.
The Brilliant, Workable, but often Very Difficult Principles to follow, regarding Conflict in the Church, as found in Matthew 18
Matthew 18:15–20
If Your Brother Sins Against You
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
A. The Problem:
“If your brother sins against you…”
It may be said that the individual has not “sinned” against you by what they did – but the word “sins” used here and the word “fault” used in the very next phrase, gives a broader definition to the event causing sorrow, more than a gross sin against a brother or sister.
Sins: ἁμαρτάνω [hamartano /ham-ar-tan-o/]
Translated in the Authorize Version as “sin” 38 times, “trespass” three times, “offend” once, and “for your faults” once.
Various potential meanings of the word used here for “sins”: ἁμαρτάνω:
1 to be without a share in.
2 to miss the mark.
3 to err, be mistaken.
4 to miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honour, to do or go wrong.
5 to wander from the law of God, violate God’s law, sin.
B. The Pro-Active, Biblical Response:
“Go and tell him his fault.”
Fault: ἐλέγχω (elegchō): rebuke, expose; refute, show one’s fault, implying that there is a convincing of that fault (Mt 18:15; Jn 3:20; 16:8; Eph 5:11; 1Ti 5:20; 2Ti 4:2; Tit 1:9; Heb 12:5; Jas 2:9; Jude 15; Rev 3:19; Jn 8:9 v.r.; Jude 22, 23 v.r.)
When you see a problem go and talk to the person about the problem.
If there is a problem with how an individual is dealing with Scripture, or someone’s interacting with others in a dishonorable way, and you are concerned with the outcome, or have seen troubling problems, then you are the one who should approach the individual personally rather than gossiping about the matter.
C. The People to Involve in the Issue:
“Between you and him alone.”
The very best thing you can do is go directly to the person with whom you are having a problem.
The worst thing you can do is what?
What is the thing that most of us tend to do?
This is not the time to go get the pastor or the chairman of the board or the best friend and discuss the matter…drawing a conclusion that may be totally erroneous.
Matthew 7:1
Judge not that you be not judged.
Proverbs 6
16 There are six things that the Lord hates,
seven that are an abomination to him:
17haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
18a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that make haste to run to evil,
19a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers.
D. The Other Person’s Critical Response:
“If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”
Question: Do you really want to see your brother or sister restored to honor and blessing, or do you want them to be seen as a little less than excellent, or actually do you have a desire to see the person’s pure demise? Or, maybe you only want to be seen as right…and don’t really care what happens to the individual who is doing something that you didn’t like?
If the matter is resolved Biblically, you have a truer friend, a closer brother or sister, and a more honorable relationship with the Lord.
(By the way, if the person you are confronting is a person of the opposite sex and you must confront in private, discerningly bring your spouse or a friend with you, or confront gently apart from, but within sight of a group that you are near.)
E. If he does not listen to you.
“16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”
Now is the time to bring someone with you. Go find the pastor or board member, friend or family member. Discuss the matter and instead of drawing further conclusion, go again to the person to seek to Biblically resolve the conflict.
F. If he refuses to listen to all of you.
“17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Obviously, the problem that is being confronted would be something that would be recognizable, as a problem by the whole church, should it get to that level. A more minor issue, it would most likely be resolved during the first or second meeting.
The problem may not be about the original concern at all…it may really be about the spiritual attitude of those being confronted.
The outcome of belligerence is often self-evident.
G. The Spiritual Follow-through from this Biblical confrontation.
“18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Those who confronted the problem and are seeking a Godly, spiritual response from the belligerent individual, also have a follow-through of prayer on behalf of those who are disciplined by the church. It is found in these verses.
Those who do not follow the spiritual instruction of these verses from the Word of God, should themselves be disciplined by the Godly Church.
What Does Following this Biblical Injunction Accomplish?
1.Truth is sought. Every honest person is considerate and respectful of true Truth! The exceptions are evil or deceptive people: people who want their own power, their own pleasure, or their own protection (from being found out).
How many times has there been something that happens that was not what it was made to be…if only one side of the story is told?
“The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.”
Proverbs 18:17
2.Individual Honor is maintained. If the other person does not know he or she has offended you, how can they make things right unless given the chance?
“If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”
Has someone ever called you wanting to meet with you, without telling you what it was, and you immediately thought of all the things that they potentially could be talking with you about?
Our minds conjure up the most fantastic things about why the person is wanting to speak to us…90% of what we assume to be the reasons for a meeting are never the reasons, and if something is a problem, most of the time it is resolved on the spot.
3.Trivial concerns are put aside. If someone is serious enough to talk to you about a problem they will want to make sure the matter is not trivial, because it would make them look foolish. If they discount the matter as trivial, then they should set the matter aside in their own heart and forgive the other person for the potential misstatement or action, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and not bringing it to their attention.
Remember our own heart is deceitful and desperately wicked…we don’t even know how bad it can be! Jeremiah 17:9 We must take this in consideration before confronting our brother or sister.
We should also be aware that our problem might be an issue that we ourselves may have!
Matthew 7
“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
There are some things we should not bring to others, but should take care of them in our own heart: personal jealousy, hidden anger, etc…if it is on our side only, take care of that personally without bringing it up. You can deal with the matter directly with God! If it is not resolved in your heart, then bring it to the person.
4.Opportunities for apologies and forgiveness abound. If we confront someone and there was a problem and it is talked through and taken care of, everyone wins. Opportunities for cover-up are needed when deception is rife.
If there is a prideful response from the one being confronted, then the one confronting has further recourse, if the matter needs to be pursued: the prideful person will be confronted again in the presence of two or three people – and then possibly before the church. The confrontation and response will reveal many things to the witnesses present – about the confronter and the one being confronted. Without the opportunity for the offending party to be confronted and respond then all that can result is a lynching party – the people are only out for blood anyway …that will ultimately reveal who they are.
We should be Christians who are ready to forgive and build each other up if people are repentant!
5.God is the ultimate Judge and He will surely Judge. When Biblical guidelines are followed, God is honored. When His Word is not followed, destructive outcomes persist…to simply add to the already gathering storm of judgment that await those who will not follow God’s Word. Those who will not follow God’s Word in honorable confrontation are those who are not following God’s Word in other areas of their life and that will sadly catch up with them in time.
1 Timothy 5
24 The sins of some men are conspicuous, going before them to judgment, but the sins of others appear later. 25 So also good works are conspicuous, and even those that are not cannot remain hidden.
Romans 12
17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
6.We build the Church if we follow Biblical guidelines; we destroy the Body of Christ when we do not.
Remember that God hates those who sow discord among His Church! Prov. 6:19
Seeming Failure in Following the Scriptural Principles
Even if our good intentions become skewed and our initiative seems to go wrong, when we Biblically confront others – when we seek to follow the principles placed before us in Scripture, we will not carry the guilt (and destruction) that accompanies the failure worldly wisdom, and we can honorable declare to those in leadership and to Godly friends around us our desire to deal with a potentially explosive issue Biblically.
7.We put ourselves in the position of being blessed by God if we follow Scriptural guidelines; we place ourselves under the judgment of God, if we do not.
Conclusion
When we follow the Scripture, we are seeking, to the best of our understanding, to follow the guidelines of God’s Word – not the philosophy of the world. The carnal world is only a “me” generation. God’s Church is a “we” fellowship! We care for each other, we do not destroy one another.
We are all frail human beings living in a carnal world that operates many times opposite to how God instructs us in His Word. I pray that as we read God’s Word, that we will obey it and center our thoughts on following it. If we do, we will be assured in our hearts that we are doing the right thing for the Church, the Body of Christ that Jesus Purchased with His Precious Blood!
One day Christ will say to those who are honorable to Him: “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the Presence of your Lord!” May each of us who love Christ hear those words!
